Why is life made only for to end?
Why do I do all this waiting then?
Why this frightened part of me that’s fated to pretend?
Why is life made only for to end?
If I’m capable of holding my own in a fight against you, I sure as hell will be able to teach you how to read, without giving up. I’ll teach you, just tell me when you’ve got spare time, and I will. What’s the use of knowing how to do something if you can’t teach others? [She just shook her head.] I will make sure he damn well knows what he’s doing, and what he could and should change about that. Just… Trust me, Jo, I’ll make him see. Change his mind. I’m sure I can do it - or at least try to. Do that. I wouldn’t want to go out there without someone I trust to have my back.
Maybe. But I’ve got a feeling teaching me to read is a whole lot harder than fighting me. In your case, at least. You’re one of the few people I don’t quite wanna kill, so I go easy on you. But if you think you’ve got the patience to teach me something I really don’t give a fuck about learning, then fine. It’s your funeral. Don’t worry about finding free time for me. I’ve got nothing but free time. Guess it’s up to you when we do it. Whenever you want. [She shrugged.] If you can’t change his mind, I’ll just fight him. He’s not that good at fighting. He thinks he is, but he’s not. I could take him with one hand tied behind my back. He’s just an arrogant moron who needs to get his head out of his ass and his dick out of his boss. I’d love to see how pretty his smug face is when it’s got my axe blade sticking out of it. I’ll show him mentally unstable. And I’d enjoy every second.
[Cassie didn’t let Johanna’s words faze her. She cares - of course she did - but it didn’t matter right now. What she wanted, didn’t matter. Johanna was more important.] Okay. [Her voice was surprisingly small compared to before. She half-turned to look over her shoulder as her friend moved past her to grab the axe she had put down before, and Cassie merely hummed as some way to show that she had heard the other’s words. And she followed. Cassie didn’t want her friend to be all alone, not today. Training be damned.]
[Her grip on the axe was so tight that her hand shook and her knuckles were white as she stomped her way down to the woods. Along the way, some sort of security guard tried to stop her in her tracks - at least she assumed it was a security guard; not that she cared enough to pay him a second of her attention. He’d said something about dangers in the woods, but she’d kept walking, shot him a glare, raised her axe just a fraction, and sent him casually backing away to his post. It wasn’t until she was at the edge of the woods, just outside District 13, that she stopped. The woods were home to her and had a calming effect; the anger beginning to fade slowly. She sighed, but didn’t turn around.] You’re following me. Why? I’m not gonna be a good friend to you today. To anyone. You should leave me alone.
[She was silent for a moment, incapable of speech, incapable of forming words to express how awful she felt for Johanna. Unable to express that Cassie knew how it felt to lose someone, that the hurt - the pain of loss never left. She lowered her gaze, jaw still locked as she turned on her heel and followed Johanna to the door at a snail’s pace.] …Oh, yes you do. [That was all she said.]
[She stopped at the door and almost growled, furious now - furious at her past; furious at herself; furious at Cassie for making her talk. Her face holding a cold glare with that anger in her eyes, she turned around, marched towards her friend and jabbed her in the shoulder, hissing her words threateningly.] Don’t fucking tell me what I care about. Don’t fucking tell me what I think. Don’t tell me what I feel. Don’t tell me to talk. Don’t tell me to do anything. Ever. [She moved quickly then across the room, grabbing the axe again before turning back around and storming towards the door.] I’m going to the woods. [She announced, not turning around. If Cassie followed, fine. But if not, she didn’t care either. Any other day, she might’ve apologised for her anger. Part of her knew it was an overreaction. But not today. There would be no apologies today. At least, not to people who were still alive.]
I think you are. Capable of fighting, I mean. And smart. If knowing how to read is what it takes for them to believe you are capable, then I will teach you how. And… And if it’s Arthur - the fool - who doubts you, then I will make sure he’ll see just how strong and smart you are… Wait, is he sending Ted? [For a moment, anger pierced through her gaze, and she clenched her jaw.] You’re right. I… He can’t just… Fuck, he’s such an idiot. What would that little kid do without her father, and… What about Andromeda? [She shut her eyes, and drew in a sharp breath before reopening them.] I’ll help you. I’ll talk to him, I’ll make him see. I think I can make him listen - no, I know I can. Somehow. Just… Wait, okay? Just for a little while.
Well… thanks. I guess. You don’t have to tell me I can fight. I know I can fight. I’m good enough to hold my own against you, aren’t I? [For the first time, a slight smirk crossed her features, but it was quick to fade.] You don’t wanna teach me. A few people tried, and a few people gave up. Pretty damn quick. [She sighed.] But yeah, he’s sending Ted. Last I heard, at least. Guess it doesn’t matter if I offer to take his place, huh? They won’t accept if I offer. Maybe… if you offer or suggest it, they’d think about it. I guess if someone’s got something to stay for… I don’t have a right to stay here and not take their place. But I won’t wait. I’ll train. I’ll show ‘em that I’m good enough. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna let them leave me behind when they go to fight. This is what I need to do. I’ve got as much of a right to go as anyone else.
'Cause I want to fucking know! [Her eyes rested on the other’s form as Johanna grabbed the axe, Cassie’s mouth forming a thin white line as the other girl turned back around. Her brows set, and she crossed her arms, shaking her head shortly but firmly.]
I don’t want to join you.
Fine! [She snapped, turning slightly to slam the axe back onto the rack.] It’s the day they fucking died! The day I got them all killed! Are you happy now, Coin?! Fucking asshole. [With a cold glare, she shoved her way past Cassie and headed for the door.] Don’t fucking join me then. I don’t care. [She spoke without turning around.]
I guess having some family is better then no family but here is the last place I wanted my sister to grow up and its all cause of that asshat.
Better she grows up here than not at all. Guess all you can do is protect her. Make sure she actually grows up. That’s something I couldn’t do.
So now I am older
Than my mother and father
When they had their daughter.
Now what does that say about me?
Love, Miss Mason, is just a word. A word almost as useless as it is irrelevant. This I know for sure.
Love is pathetic. It just clouds your judgement. Makes you stupid. You’re President… can’t you make sucking face in public illegal or something? Punishable by death? I’ll even be your executioner.